Top of the Muffin' to ya!

So, I spent MY sunday morning in over my head. Somehow I thought it was a good idea that I, me, Miss Messy, the Queen of Disorganization, host what was originally to be a Pre-Valentine's "girls only" brunch (thanks to the snow storm on Feb. 12th I had to put all plan on hold until today). I pulled it off by the skin of my teeth and just softened my dishpan hands with some lotion after cleaning the disaster-area of a kitchen I left behind.

Now that I am relaxing I did what I always do when I'm alone. Don't EVEN go there guys its soooo NOT what you're thinking. :P I turned on the Style Network. Yes, I am addicted and something tells me I am not the only woman you know who is. Well the program of choice today is "Glamour Magazines 50 Fashion Do's and Dont's". Somewhere around the #20 mark I discovered the "Muffin Top". No it isn't Elaine of Seinfeld's great idea of the perfect breakfast treat. Apparently it is now a fashion faux pas. Muffin Top is when you put on a pair of pants with a waistline you've long outgrown and lovehandles, back fat, and beer belly come spilling over. Now I understand the concept of Muffin Top. I've been there, chances are you have also. But what I want to know is WHO comes up with these terms? Who looks at someone and just is genious enough to say" wow, she/he is sporting Muffin Top"?

I guess I am just jealous I didn't think of it first. All I can do is warn you. Watch out for the Muffin Top just as you would watch out for VPL's (visible panty lines) and other wardrobe malfunctions.

TTYL, Heather

Post-Grammy Pow-wow

Alright, it's past my bedtime Thursday night so I have to make this quick--just wanted to throw out my thoughts on the 2006 Grammy Awards.

Madonna! Need I say more? Her body was spectacular, fantastic, unbelieveable. In fact there may not be enough adjectives to describe her rockin' physique. When she finally hit the stage to co-open the Grammy's with the Gorillaz there was a collective gasp, both in the audience of the L.A. Staples Center and on couches across the country. How does a women in her late 40's come up with thighs like that???!!! Oh yeah, its called a personal trainer on call 24 hours a day along with as much free time as you want and an in-house chef. But seriously do you have any idea the dedication it takes to look like that when your metabolism has seen better days? If there is one ounce of fat on Madonna then I needed a magnifying glass to see it. At 47 she looks more amazing then ever. The 3-hour a day Bikram Yoga sessions have seriously paid off and has done nothing but make me, at 30, feel lazy and unproductive. I definitely have to step up my cardio at the gym.

On to Mariah Carey. I have loved, loved, loved this girl for the past 16 years but she has to STOP. I can't stand to look at her anymore, and her live performances fall way short of the mediocre mark. Mariah and mediocre are two things that should never be in the same sentence. Although about 1/4 of the "We Belong Together"/"Fly Like A Bird" combo performance was authentically live, the rest was tracked and overdramatically lipsunk. Leave THAT to Britney and Hillary.

Kelly Clarkson used the Staples Center acoustics for all they were worth during her shot on stage. And although she forgot to recognize American Idol in either of her acceptance speeches, she was humble and genuinely thrilled by her wins.

Bono seemed just a tad unfocused when going through the "thank you" motions, spouting off about clowns and circuses, and his father Bob (which was actually very touching yet somewhat sounding like he needed to speak to a therapist to get emotions off his chest rather than a Grammy audience filled with his peers). However, I greatly appreciated his attempt to explain the meaning behind the title of their now Grammy-winning HOW TO DISMANTLE AN ATOMIC BOMB CD.

Gwen Stefani makes the cutest and sexiest pregnant woman ever. Kanye West is WAY too in love with himself. Jamie Foxx can have my ears any day. Teri Hatcher needs to stay away from music awards shows. Jennifer Love Hewitt needs to go back to being hot. Fantasia Barrino needs a stylist desperately. Beyonce and Jay-Z need to give up the "secret lovers" scenario. Paul Mc Cartney is still the coolest rock star on the planet. Christina Aguilera (in her first performance since becoming Mrs. Jordan Bratman) proved why her upcoming third CD is one of the most aniticipated collections due this year.

And FINALLY--PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IN THE WORRRRLLLDDDD WAS UP with Sly Stone? What crypt did they pull him out of? Who told him a platinum mohawk was flattering? Where is his neck? Why was he impersonating a Gremlin? Why did he walk off stage in the middle of his own tribute?????

Thats a wrap till next year. I'm too tired to go on and clearly I have was too much Grammy-gripe so I will just give it up for now!

Nighty Night. TTYL. Heather

Haagen Daas for Heather

Ok since it is now the beginning of February, and my new year's resolution was to STOP eating junk food, I have to confess I am doing a miserable job keeping up my end of the bargain. I just CANNOT stop myself!

I am not cutting out that which is bad for the sole purpose of losing weight. It is simply because I feel crabby and sluggish and bad about myself when I overindulge. So why can't I quit it???!!! It seems the more I tell myself I can't have something the more I crave it! But I guess that's true of so many things in the world.

The foods I can't seem to overcome an addiction to are Baked Lays, lunchmeat, Goldfish, chicken cheese steaks, white bread, Hershey Kisses, stuffed shells, nachos, french fries, and cream cheese. The thing is I actually like wheat bread and Baked Lays aren't the WORST thing I could eat. But it all went downhill while I was watching the SAG awards Sunday night and consumed 1/4 pint of Haagen Daas double chocolate chip ice cream. Of all the ice creams Haagen Daas is the tastiest, and unfortunately the most fattening (which IS the reason it is soooo delicious). I felt so awful after, and not because I had eaten the ice cream--it was really good--but because I could not implement any self-control. So as so many analysts claim--is an obsession with food truely mind over matter?

I need help! I have to put down the bacon and pick up a carrot. More salad, less carbs. Give up the crunch I crave from chips for the crunch from an apple. The thing is I love fruit and vegetables. I also hate to cook which could be the problem. I workout constantly and very infrequently miss trips to the gym but its not enough. So anyone out there in blog-land with any tips that could cure me--please HELP! Because I don't think the supermarkets will grant my wish of removing Haagen Daas from freezer cases any time soon.

TTYL, Heather